I’ve spent almost year emotionally invested in a guy.
Every day I hoped that it would lead to real, lasting relationship. Unfortunately, I ignored every red flag, and over-analyzed every one of his texts, calls, and gestures.
I played up situations in my mind, assuming he was on the same page, only to wake up one morning and realize – I was infatuated and head over heals in love with an emotionally unavailable guy.
Nothing is quite more devastating than to fall in love with an emotionally unavailable guy.
The trouble with emotionally unavailable men is that they are super-attractive, aren’t they? They’re the perfect combination between a good guy and a “bad” guy, and they show just enough of their personality to attract most women.
Is Your Guy Just Not That Into You?
You know you have that special chemistry you’ve been waiting for your whole life. You have so much fun together. He understands you so well that he can complete your sentences.
But when you are looking for signs that he feels the same about you, that he wants to take your relationship to the next level, that he wants to commit to you and only you – You can’t find them.
When that happens – It feels like waking up to an ice-water bucket splashed on your face.
10 Signs He is an Emotionally Unavailable Guy
The most common signs that your guy is emotionally unavailable (and what to do about it) are:
1. He SAID It
Make no mistake. If a guy specifically TELLS YOU that he is NOT interested in a relationship – He means it. This is the biggest red flag of an unavailable guy.
Guys usually avoid playing games (as opposed to women).
No matter how amazing he says you are, if you try to “label” your connection as a relationship he will remind you what he said in the beginning.
2. Flirting With Flattery
Men who are “too flattering”, too revealing and too open may not be what they seem. They are like snake charmers. They are often experienced with women and tend to give them what they want to get. At first.
But they prefer the chase to the catch and once they know you’re hooked – They vanish. At least emotionally.
3. It’s Serious? I’m out!
He loved chasing you. He went out of his way to make you go out with him, but when he feels he “had you”, he pulls away and disappears, at least for a week or two.
Again, a big red flag. Some guys just live for the chase and have no interest in an emotional connection with anyone (at least for now).
4. His Priorities
Just like a woman, a man in love will prefer spending time with you more than anything else in his life.
He will rush over to see you the minute he has some spare time. If he is not so much into you, he will prefer being with his friends, family or work.
5. Words vs. Actions
He says “I love you” all the time. He compliments you often. He says he wants to be your best friend and be there for you, but when you need him he’s simply not there.
His excuses are great, and convincing, but the bottom line is – His words don’t match his actions.
6. Mix and Match
When a guy gives you mixed messages, avoid ignoring it. He may surprise you with a romantic date and then cancel on you several times in the next week. He hates planning ahead, and talking about the future terrifies him.
Generally, when you can’t make plans with a guy, and his actions are not consistent, take it seriously. He hasn’t decided what he wants from you, himself and his life yet.
7. Relationship Virgin
This doesn’t apply, of course, to 25-year-old guys. But if you are dating a 35-year-old “boy” and he hasn’t had a single long-term relationship yet, he may be emotionally unavailable (but this doesn’t say that he never will).
8. Early Seduction
Be aware of guys who send sexual cues to early. “Seducers”do not believe they’re enough to keep a partner. Once the relationship gets real, they’ll sabotage it. Seduction is a power play and is all about the conquest.
(Read: Why Men Pull Away After Intimacy)
9. Not Official
If a guy won’t tell his friends and family about your relationship, it’s a big red flag. A guy who’s open to a new relationship and to commitment will have no problem “changing his status”, whether online or offline.
10. The Ex Cloud
Listen carefully. If your guy constantly talks about his ex, and has any kind of anger, animosity or sadness about her, he is not fully over her. Worse yet, he may still be in love with her.
Can You Make an Emotionally Unavailable Guy Fall For You?
I know most people will tell you NO. Run away and don’t look back.
But my personal experience has proved this to be wrong.
I believe that emotionally unavailable guys do not exist.
There’s no such thing as an emotionally unavailable guys. Either he is not that into you, or you haven’t been able to break down his emotional defenses. Pure and simple.
None of this is your fault. Nothing you did or said was wrong. It just takes some special knowledge about how to capture a man’s heart (especially the emotionally unavailable heart).
I’ve learned that it only takes 3 steps to make a man fall in love with you (more than in love – Obsessed). These steps can make ANY guy head over heels with you, open up to you, share his true feelings with you and do everything he can to make you his.
I can’t reveal these steps because I haven’t come up with them, someone else did. But you can find them right here if you want. It’s up to you.
What’s your conclusion? Have you fallen for an emotionally unavailable guy? Are you going to run away or do something first?
Rooting for ya,
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