5 Brutally Honest Signs Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Love You (Anymore)

Do you feel like your boyfriend’s love is fading away?

Is there a little nagging voice inside that keeps telling you that something is off?

Has he stopped looking at you with loving and admiring eyes?
signs your boyfriend doesn't love you

The good news is that if you’re here, you’ve passed the denial phase.

You can’t ignore those little signs that your boyfriend doesn’t love you anymore.

Now’s the time to be brutally honest with yourself and face the reality. It’s going to be hard but the light at the end of the dark tunnel is:

If your boyfriend loved you once, he can love you again.

[yellowbox]Keep that in mind as I show you the signs that your boyfriend may be losing his love for you, because I’ll show you how to reverse it too.[/yellowbox]

5 Signs Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Love You

1. He “Doesn’t Know”

If your boyfriend has directly told you that he doesn’t know if he loves you, or that he “loves you but not in love with you”, or he loves you but not sure you are “the one” – It means his feelings for you have changed.

These are all (quite pathetic) attempts to tell you that he is no longer in love with you, without facing the “women drama” that all guys fear.

One of my ex boyfriends (I was so in love with him) told me that he still loves me but not sure he wants to live with me anymore and wants to try living apart (But not break up).

This was of course a load of BS, but I couldn’t handle the underlying message and stayed with him for a whole month after he moved out from our apartment.

Every day I waited for him to change his mind and come back, until a month later I told him I can’t do this anymore and broke up with him.

Obviously he did not protest…because it was exactly what he wanted.

2. He Turns the Tables

If your boyfriend acts distant, ignores you, doesn’t communicate and avoids you while accusing you of doing these exact things, he is signaling you that he wants out.

This is because he feels a lot of guilt from falling out of love. And the easiest way to relieve this guilt is by convincing himself that the feelings are mutual and in fact, you don’t love him anymore either.

Does that make sense to you?

How relieved would you be if you stopped loving a guy but knew that he feels the same and won’t be heart-broken by it when you tell him?

That’s what’s going in his mind (probably subconsciously).

Another related sign is checking the relationship status obsessively. If your boyfriend keeps asking “are we o.k.”? (In one way or another), nothing is o.k.

3. He Changes Priorities

If your boyfriend does one of these things:

  1. Gradually or suddenly starts to ignore your texts and calls (and make stupid excuses for it)
  2. Prefers hanging out with his friends and family (without you)
  3. Shows you that you are not his priority anymore

He may have lost interest in your relationship and trying to do the “fade out” breakup.

My ex boyfriend not only found stupid excuses to avoid seeing me, calling me and answering my texts, but made sure I found out he was lying.

For example, he would tell me that he is busy at work, but then his brother would “accidentally” tell me how they went out for drinks together at that exact time.

He wanted me to know.

4. He is Busy

Couples in love make plans all the time. From little plans like going out tomorrow to big plans like moving in together some day, or having 2.4 children.

If your boyfriend suddenly stops making plans with you, or stops talking about the future he sees with you, it’s a bad sign.

My ex boyfriend made it even clearer than this. He told me that in the future he wants to live in a different country, but never mentioned anything about me coming with him. It was clear that he holds no place for us in his future.

5. He Suddenly Has Secrets

If your boyfriend suddenly starts hiding things from you, it’s a sign that he is planning to bail.

If your boyfriend suddenly doesn’t want you to see his phone (including text messages, last calls etc), or doesn’t want to tell you where he is going and what he is doing, the red flag should be up.

(Read: Why He Lies to You)

In the best case scenario, he doesn’t love you anymore and doesn’t want to include you in his life. In the worst case scenario, another woman has already gotten on his radar and that’s why he is being secretive.

My ex boyfriend all of a sudden started taking his phone everywhere with him, including the bathroom. He made sure I had no access to it and claimed it’s a privacy matter.

2 months after we broke up I found out that he already started going out (!) with another woman while were still together.

What to Do If Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Love You Anymore

I’ll repeat what I’ve said in the beginning:

I know it seems hard to believe, but it’s true.

This does not have to be the end and you don’t have to sit there waiting for the ax to fall.

You can reverse things.

More than that, you can, with the right knowledge, make your boyfriend WAKE UP and see the beautiful, smart and loving woman he has standing right in front him.

By simply learning how the male mind works, you can easily make him fight for your relationship, obsessed and desperate to keep you in his arms, without you making any effort.

Without begging, pleading and looking desperate.

Even if you found 1001 signs your boyfriend doesn’t love you, you can still reverse it.

If he loved you once, he can love you again.

What do you think? Can you prevent a guy from leaving you if you really want to?

Rooting for ya,


text ex back

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  1. my boyfriend and i are staying together at his place but dont make love anymore, last time we did was a month ago. his family knows me, and he used to talk about marriage but now says he doesnt have money. we ahve broken up several times and all the time he will have a girlfriend, then claims it never meant anything to him nad i’m the “one”. i suspect that during our last break he had unprotected sex because the blanket that was on the bed had some stains that clearly looks like he was withdrawing, ans of course he denies this. i forgave him, asked him to get it cleaned(that was in march) but upto now he hasnot done anything about it, though i ask him about it.
    yesterday we were to sleep at my parents’ house but he never pitched, came in the morning, no explanation or whatsoever. what does this mean?

    • Lolo,

      I think that deep down you already know the answer to your question, you don’t really need me…

      He has lost interest for some reason, and when guys are not interested in sex that’s a big red flag.

      I think that you know what you have to do, and the sooner you do the sooner you’ll be able to get to better places in your life.

      I wouldn’t waste another day.

      I’m sorry you’re going through this, but I always believe that everything works out for the best and happens for a good reason.

  2. My boyfriend losses he’s time for me,
    the last time we talked i got mad and he said i love you goodnight those are my last words, and after a week he dont have time for me. We talked and i said what is happening he said nothing and he tell me that he love me,
    and yesterday is our 1st month and i i greeted him and i say i love you he replied “im going to take a bath XD” and we talked again and i told him whats wrong he said theres nothing wrong .. he doesnt take our conversation serious anymore… what does that mean?

    • I think it means he is angry at you, probably because you haven’t resolved your conflict in that last conversation.

      Talk to him face to face and try to work things out.
      Good luck!

  3. My boyfriend always get mad at me,
    We had a fight continuously for 4 days, and it’s not just that, for a month now I realized that he’s not what you call sweet as before. Yes he is protective sometimes and cares about what I do and don’t like me hanging out with other guys he doesn’t know. It’s just, most of the time when I try to tickle him or make jokes he always make sure to see that I know he’s mad and irritated, and one time he shouted at me. And if we fight he doesn’t even care to txt me or make peace with me. This week he really shows that he doesn’t care at all. My problem is, he doesn’t even show that he cares for me anymore, he dont like holding hands even if we are alone, and if I confront him about our problems, he always make me guilty, like its my fault and making me feel bad about asking such a “stupid” question. I don’t know anymore.. Do you think he’s provoking me to break up with him?

  4. hey I need some help.I have a very busy schedule since I am a student of a very restricted college from the very beginning of my relationship with my boyfriend.I have got some family problems too.There were times when he used to deal with any sort of problems,admire me or appreciate my effort.But during last few months things changed.I think its partly my fault.I was the one who always wanted to make peace when we have fights.But he never did.we have different perspectives of life.I am not as much as responsible as he is.But I gave my best effort to please him.Even I lost my self-respect in the process.every single week we have fights for 4-5 times.Now he said that he wouldn’t stay with me anymore because I have so many lacking,issues and our lifestyle doesn’t match.I can leave him because I still love him deeply and cant imagine my future without him. what will I do?pls I need a quick help.
    thanks in advance

    • Shanaya,

      I think that I would take some time to figure out WHAT exactly is causing the constant fights, becuase until it’s resolved you won’t be able to go on with the relationship and both of you may lack the motivation to stay.

      There is probably an underlying cause for all the arguments, which has nothing to do with what you’re actually fighting about. can you tell what it is? What’s hiding under the surface?

      If you can communicate honestly about this, you’ll know deep inside what to do – And it will feel right to both of you – Whether it’s staying and working to fix it, or say goodbye (at least for now, no one knows what the future holds, right?)

      I hope this helps and good luck,


  5. Hi. I really need your opinion…
    I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years. We’ve been a happy couple, and I’ve always felt loved with him. It’s true that I am the one in the relationship who makes more sacrifices and is more comitted, but until a couple of days, he had always told me he loves and we have been making plans for the future (move in together and stuff). Two days ago he told me he feels that I love him more than he loves me, and that he has doubts about his feelings for me. He told me that I felt in love earlier than him, because when we started, he was forgetting a woman he stopped seeing because she had a child (a kid, with other man you know). He told me that he had felt sometimes that our love was not the love that he felt with this other girl (and other girls, the “instant love”, more passionate)…
    I’m, as you can imagine, distraught. But you know…I’m so confused, because as I said, our relationship has been beautiful. He his so tender with me, he hugs me and doesn’t want to let go, kissses me all the time, when he tells me he loves me I can feel it, so…I’m so confused. Yesterday we conclude not to see each other for days, just to see how he feels. An hour and a half later, when I was in my house, he called telling me he’s sorry, that he knows I’m the one he loves, that he wanted to see me. I told him to wait for a week at least, and since then I’m here, waiting. We had a small text conversation, and again I found him a little cold…
    Here’s my opinion and I want you to give me yours: I think he loves me, we are happy, but it’s true I am the one that gives more. I think that the difference between each other is that we love each other differently: I love him more romantically, more idealistic in a way, and he loves me more prudently. It’s true I’ve felt once in a while “tense” moments, but are a few, and well, we’ve been three years together, and the good moments are countless. He has not in a long relationship before, so I guess he compares our relationship with this other romances he’s got, and well…you can’t compare. Maybe he didn’t felt the instant attraction he felt with others, but he found what is true love with me (and because of that, we have been so happy). Yes, he wasn’t so interseted in me in the begining, and maybe the problem is that he has always felt a little bit of blame for not be so invested in the begining, but who cares about how we started? 🙁
    I’m so confused and sad. Please give me your opinion. Thank you.

    • Maria,

      You must be in a lot of pain right now. I know.
      The truth is that in my opinion, all explanations ans trying to analyze things in the beginning and later are kind of excuses.
      The problem is that we humans feel. And feelings can’t be rationalized.
      I think you made the right move by insisting on some time apart, even after he asked to see you and said he was sorry. He needs a chance to miss you and realize what he stands to lose.

      If time goes by and he is not begging to come back, it’s not there anymore. Not for now at least.

      But not all hope is gone. I am now married for 8 years to a guy who broke up with me (before we were married) and after being no-contact for 2 months.

      After 2 months we met each other “be accident” (I don’t believe in “accidents”), got back together and a year later we were married.

      I’m saying that if it’s meant to be, you will find your way back to each other. And if not – Good for you too. You’ll be available to meet the real love of your life.

      I hope this helps and hang in there, everything happens for the best.


      • Thank you so much for your advice and support.
        Here’s the other part that I need to get out of my chest because it scares me…
        I’m 29 years old now, and I’ve been in three long relationships (the previous one I’ve had ended the same way than this one I’m telling you: he didn’t love me anymore… 🙁 ).
        As you can imagine, not only I’m living the horror of get trough a relationship because my boyfriend doesn’t love me…I’m living it knowing that it happened to me before, that my previous boyfriend fell out of love for me too.
        Am I so unlovable?
        I feel old, and I’m so scared thinking I’m never going to find true love. It’s truly hard for me to feel something for someone, even if it’s only attraction, it’s very difficult to me. So being 29, single, with 3 broken relationships in my past, makes me think I’m never meeting the one for me.

        • Maria,

          There is absolutely nothing to be scared about.

          The past is exactly what it is: the past. All we have is right now. The past does NOT have any power on the present or the future.

          I will tell you this though: What we think is what we are. If you convince yourself that you are unlovable, old etc, it’s exactly what will happen.

          You have to put a stop to these negative thoughts right now, and switch them with positive thoughts and a lot of self love.

          It’s only way to finally attract the guy you really deserve – The perfect guy for you.

  6. Lisa,
    This is going to be VERY long so I apologize in advance for the length, but I hope you still read it and could possibly give me some advice, bc I feel as if I have no one and nowhere else to turn at this point. (I’m going to bare my soul here, so I hope no one judges me for what I reveal, and if they do, I hope they realize I am very remorseful for what happened) I’m 28 yrs old, my boyfriend is 46, and we have been together for 9 years now. When we first met that fateful night, everything was telling me he was THE one, every positive emotion that I could possibly feel was surging through me (and I had dated guys previously, had a child by my ex, so I had a little bit of life experience under my belt even at 19). My gut was telling me that very night that I was going to be with him for the rest of my life. I felt as though the stars had aligned, and God had sent me this wonderful human being to be apart of me and my daughter’s life. While we were sitting at the table in his restaurant on our first date, I told him I would never be with another married man (had dated TWO of them without prior knowledge), and the horror and shame danced across his face. That’s when I knew, and he told me in that very moment he was married, but if I would give him a chance to explain, maybe I’d understand. So I did. I immediately said it was okay, reassured him bc he looked ill and he became very emotional and began to cry, plus he was SO open and honest about every single detail, offering it up to me without me having to ask. He was so funny, intimate, loving, considerate, and compassionate and the most selfless person I’d ever met, and above all, committed to ME. He remained that way for years. We faced major challenges, but his loveless marriage (to a woman whom he only married bc she became pregnant with their child & where we live, the chances of him gaining even joint custody were nearly impossible legally/financially) was never the issue, bc I always told him I’d wait on him. I’ve always believed that when you love someone, you never give up. He also provided proof to me throughout, that they were not intimate in any way. He was truly the most honest person I’d ever encountered, and I admired him for it. Around our 3rd year, life took a drastic turn: he lost his mother, and then shortly after, I became an addict due to so many things which I used as excuses to keep using, and he knew nothing of it for awhile, until I began cheating on him. I screwed up tremendously, broke his heart into a million pieces, and when I finally came to my senses a few months later, I realized I needed help. He supported me, stood by me, until I relapsed and then threatened to leave (rather than support me) if it happened again. Well I got sober. And here we are, 9 years down the line, and the only thing I can think about is how much I miss the man I was with those first 3 years. I understand that he is still hurt and is mistrusting, but I am no longer that person, because my addiction turned me into someone even I didn’t recognize. I would never do that to him again and I know I wouldn’t, bc my addiction influenced my infidelity. The cheating only lasted a short time, but for a few years, he still remained the same person and was loving and caring and so very honest after I became sober. Now, the current issues: The past TWO YEARS, he has barely come to spend time with me, he is cold, calculating, gets angry if I mention the issues in our relationship, he barely calls/texts me so I’ve stopped initiating contact with him bc I was practically begging him to keep in touch. Also, he blames everything on me, quite literally, and never takes responsibility for his own actions or words. Then, this past September, I find out via Facebook that he had gotten a divorce, later learning it had been finalized for TWO whole MONTHS before I found out. He had kept it from me, claiming his lawyer & counselor advised him to do so, fearing I would want to rush into marriage when that is the last thing I want to do bc of our issues. It was the first time he had ever hidden something from me, lying by omission, and my heart was shattered. I’m a relatively calm person, but that day, I went into the very first panic attack I’ve ever had. Anytime I bring up that he never wants to see me, that he always gets off the phone abruptly when he calls, or that he spends time with his friends down the street from me but won’t come to see me, or that he won’t even allow me to KISS him anymore?!? He says I’m crazy and is not going to listen to “drama”. I have stopped trying to reach him, I don’t bring up our problems bc he already knows what they are, and I don’t contact him hardly at all since he doesn’t me. He doesn’t tell me he loves me anymore on the phone or otherwise (in the past he was ALWAYS telling me, he told me numerous times a day even after the infidelity) and he isn’t intimate when does visit (around twice a month). But, we have had sex. But no kissing. He tells me he isn’t going to put up with my “BS” bc he doesn’t have to anymore. What’s crazier is he blames me for the things that HE does, turning it around, saying I’m the one who did them. I’ve stopped asking where goes and what he’s doing. When I accused him of cheating not long ago, he said “There isn’t anyone ‘YET’ but you keep accusing, and I’m going to have a normal to exciting relationship with you or whomever”. This is a completely different man, Lisa. A stranger to me. The EXACT OPPOSITE of the man I fell in love with. My friends and family and even my coworkers see it in my face every day, the heartache I’m enduring, and I’m so tired of worrying and feeling helpless in our relationship and sick of hurting, bc I’ll be honest, I love him more NOW then I did in the beginning. I know I broke his heart unspeakably, and I’m terribly ashamed and I’ve tried to make amends, tried to show him things are different, but he uses my past mistakes to justify his CURRENT actions, bc I’ve been nothing but faithful and caring and supportive ever since I’ve gotten sober. I just want to BE with him, I’ve told him as much. He says he is “taking time” for he and his son. So the only thing left for me to do is WAIT…AGAIN. Or move on. And I don’t want to lose him. But, this has been going on for 2 entire years and I want to find out what’s really going on first. I have literally cried so much that there were some weeks where that’s all I could do, and just imagining him slipping away like water through my fingers. He promised me the world, and now he acts as if I’m just an annoying friend he isn’t close with. I adored him, fell so hard for him over and over again, but NOW? I’m getting to the point where some days, I don’t care if he contacts me or comes by, and it’s bc of him pushing me away. He has done/is doing ALL of the things mentioned in this article. I even watched the video about how to get him to want me/fall in love with me again, but it hasn’t worked since he isn’t around. Hopefully, all of this makes sense. Even just a tidbit of advice would be highly appreciated, and if you read all of this, then BLESS you, and thank you so so much 🙂

    • Cher,

      Thank you for sharing your story with me…it was probably hard for you.
      I’m sorry that you’re going through this.
      As I see it, you are now separated, but you can’t seem to accept it because you love him so much. I understand.

      In this situation I would do what I would do as if I was separated, and this usually means to leave him alone.

      I would try the 60-day no contact rule, to give him a chance to miss you and realize what he stands to lose for good, and a chance to remember all the good times instead of focusing on your problems.

      He knows, obviously, that he can have you when ever he wants, because you have told him over and over. While that is very honest and beautiful, it’s not very attractive to any guy.

      Let him have what he wants. And what he wants right now is sadly not to be with you. Keep your dignity, your self respect, so he’ll have a chance to see what he stands to lose for good.
      Here’s my post about the 6-day no contact rule, I hope it helps:


      • You fell in love with a married man what did you expect. He couldn’t stay faithful to his wife why expect him to stick with you . Face it you’ve now replaced his ex wife face it your the next ex . Do yourself a favour dump him move on and stay away from guys in relationships

  7. I need advice.

    My Bf and I are opposites. We compromise and talk things through all the time. He’s working full time, in school, and has been dealing with people in his life who aren’t there for him like he’s there for them. I told him that I’m here and will be there as long as he wants me to.

    He admitted that he has trouble connecting with women. He’s only felt a spark with me and one of he relationship for a while ago, but in every relationship he hits a wall and can’t connect like the other person is. He wants to give me love but doesn’t know how. He definitely wants us to work and has talked about seeing a therapist since this is a trend in all his relationships. What can I do if anything?

    • Jasmine,

      I think that you should go to therapy as he suggested. He seems to want to get help and that’s a great sign that a change is coming. Other than that you don’t have to do anything. Just be yourself.

  8. Hi Lisa,
    Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year now; at the start of the relationship it was fantastic. We would always hang out, text, call; every weekend we would have date night where we would go out to a meal or movie then we would stop at either my place or his. After a few months are closeness did begin to get a bit heavy and we both recognised this and agreed to try to put some space between us. We were arguing every time we saw each other and it wasn’t much fun anymore. Anyway we thought that some space would resolve this issue. I really don’t think it has resolved anything but the arguing as much. He loves having his space to go out with his mates and obviously I enjoy it my space too but I feel like there is just too much space between us now and it doesn’t feel like a relationship. I feel like I’m only there out of convenience for him. I have tried to talk to him about it but he says he likes the space for us to do our own things and he thinks its working; but I definitely do not think its working. I just want him to put in the same effort as he did when we first got together; he avoids texting, he rarely calls and we see each other once a week sometimes once every two weeks. I just don’t feel like this is a relationship, surely if you are in a relationship you see each other more and enjoy the company you have? I just don’t know what to do; I have exhausted all my abilities to try to make this work, but I feel like he just wants an excuse to leave or he is giving me the excuse to leave. Words literally cannot express how much I love this man but I feel like I’m fighting a loosing battle.
    Please help me.

    • Kay,

      I think your instincts are right: This is not really a relationship at this point. I know you feel you love him, but he is not interested in making an effort to save your relationship, from what you’re telling me.
      I don’t have a secret formula obviously, I can only tell you what I would do if I were you, and that is trying the 60-day no contact. Maybe not having a chance to talk to you or see you at all will make him realize what he’s about to lose and open his eyes.
      If it doesn’t, maybe this was not meant to be?
      Here’s my post about the 60-day no contact rule, I hope it helps: http://www.howtogetaguytowantyou.com/60-day-no-contact-rule/

  9. I’ve been in a relationship for 3.5 years. We live together, have a cat. All of our furniture has been mutually purchased, the works. We have for the most part had a very smooth relationship. He doesn’t care if I go out or hang out with other guys, but it has been that way from the very beginning. He is a VERY laid back guy. It had seemed we were on the path for marriage.
    However, about 3 months ago, he mentioned to me that he thought he was never gonna love me as much as I love him. We fought. We kinda resolved, and I put it on the back burner.
    Later, he said that he wasn’t sure if he loved me as much as he did when we first got together. This alarmed me. I seem to love him more and more every day. So this hurt me down to my core.
    Most recently he asked to break up. I cried, freaked out, we split up who was gonna get what etc. then I asked him if he really wanted to do this and he said “I guess not”

    This fight keeps happening over and over of bear break ups. And if it ever happens I truly believe I will be losing the love of my life. He’s so funny, we laugh together, have great sex, we go on dates (but only if I plan them)

    I just don’t understand what is happening. It’s what brought me to this article. I’m so scared I am going to lose a man that I love with my whole heart, want to marry, and that I have 3 1/2 years of my life to.

    Please help me, I don’t know how to fix this…..

    • Brookelynn,

      I’m sorry about this, I can really relate as it happened to me in the past as well. I had a boyfriend that I was madly in love with. We had a great relationship – Just like yours. Great talks, laughing. We also lived together.
      We were in college together, and when ever I tried to talk about the future and where we’ll live when we finish school – He avoided the subject.
      Deep down, just like you, I knew where this was going. But I refused to accept it.
      When school ended he decided to live with his parents until he got a job. He never invited me to come, but I came to live there anyway.
      I refused to take the hints.
      You probably know how this ended. He built up the courage to break up with me only after buying a car together – A month later.

      I think that your boyfriend sadly wants to end this. But your reaction has scared him and he doesn’t know how to deal with your grief. That’s why he said “I guess not”.
      In my humble opinion, the only chance you have in saving this relationship is to let him have what he wants and keep your dignity. If you let him walk away while keeping your self respect and self worth, he may wake up in the near future and realize what he is missing.

      But if you drag this until he is forced to “brutally” break up with you, he’ll never see you as someone he can be attracted to again. This is how he’ll remember you – As someone he can’t live without him, breathe without him.
      I know you won’t like what I’m saying, but I AM trying to help.

      I hope you do the right thing for you and remember – If it’s meant to be – It WILL be. No matter the rough patches and obstacles in the way.

  10. Hello Lisa,
    I think most of people who goes through hard time need desperately someone like you to advise them and provide help so thank you. I am Danielle and I’m in a relationship for 3 years. We had the moat amazing relationship you can imagine until we moved together, things started to be boring sometimes, the sexual attraction has decreased , interests started to change, he wanted to spend more time with friends, away from me, he started to love me way less than I do until he recently cheated on me , I am heartbroken and devastated.
    At first he admitted that what happened is a good reason to break up and he was soo tough, until I took the decision to leave the house, and he broke down in tears and asked me to stay and said that he s sorry , he won’t do it again as long as we re together and that he is willing faithfully to try to save this relationship and get love back to it.
    I would like to know if you think this relationship has any chances to survive, and what should I do?
    1-Stay , forgive and make him love me again (how)?
    2-dont try to give a chance and invest more energy in this relationship and just leave?

  11. Dear Lisa,
    Please guide me. My bf and i had a really healthy relationship for 2.5 months. One day he informed me that he got a major corporate project and wpnt be available for next 2.5 months (till March). He won’t answer my calls and texts from that day. On the other hand i kept irritating him via calls/sms that made him annoyed. He said he already informed me of his busy schedule so can’t be available till march. He got online on FB/ Whatsapp for a maximum of an hour but don’t talk to me. Now what should be done… Should i move or waited for him??
    P.S i really love him… Couldn’t handle myself since a month

    • Amo,

      Wow, that’s upsetting. It’s only my opinion of course, but if he is like this, I wouldn’t wait for him. I would move on.
      I’m sorry you’re going through this.

  12. My boyfriend claims to be busy eith his work. He diesnt call or text me till at night and when we start chatting, the next thing is he is sleepy. I am so confused as i dont know wether he still likes me or not

  13. Me and my boyfriend have grown apart we used to have a great sex life and relationship. Although not everything is about sex but he isn’t interested in pleasing me anymore he’s more interested in having his bit then going to sleep this makes me feel like it’s pointless and I’ve told him this there isn’t any point. Is this his way of trying to get rid of me as I’d rather now be his puppet if it is.

    • Amba,

      Is that the only change you feel in your relationship since its started? Do you still talk, share things, laugh together? Have fun? If the answer is yes, I don’t think this makes you his puppet.

  14. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years now. And I have been living with him for more than 1 year. In our 1st and 2nd year of relationship there are too many obstacle i.e other womens. And we slowly sort it out and everything went well… For the past years that we have been living together everywhere he go i goes.. We are like glue. Hard to separate. Until last week I went back to my hometown to visit my family for a day or two.. When I came back, I notice that he doesn’t treat me like he used to treat me. And now, since yesterday. I admit that I may have say something wrong but as for me it was just a small issue. But i just don’t know. He suddenly moody and angry and the coffee that i make for him he didn’t even drink nor touch and so the lunch that i bought for him. So i tried to think positive. And that it was yesterday story and today is a different story. I’ve tried make it up to him but he seems like ignoring me. and when i ask him a question it looks like he want and on the same time doesnt want to answer me. i just don’t know what to do. and seriously im too confused. and.. since we have this silent treatment between both of us i saw his post in FB about leaving and being free, about single, about regretting.. when i saw this i provoke him to leave me but all he answer is “K” and he is still there treating me like im not even there. please help me

    • May,

      I think that he is just really angry at you for something. I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but I would try talking to him and asking him to just say how he feels and why he is angry, while promising that you won’t argue, disagree or contradict him in any way. I he feels safe to talk he will tell you the truth, and that’s a place to start, I think.
      Good luck!

  15. Hi ive been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years. We have broken up a few times over the years we have always got on so very well were bestfriends infact. Ive been reading relationship guides recently and not sure if this is just making me paranoid. but recently i feel he is distancing himself from me. When i tell him i love him and he says it back i feel he doesnt mean it anymore. I feel as tho he takes me for granted but when i tell him he just says no i dont. Ive asked several times if we are ok and he just says yes and changed the subject. im finding that he prefers to do other things than spend time with me like at the moment he is cutting the grass and cleaning his car instead of spending time with me, when we have not seen eachother much for the past week and will not next week as he works night shifts. Please help me and give me some advice i would like us to go back to have we used to be careless and just so in love again.

    • Hanna,

      Unfortunately, in my experience, a woman’s instinct is always right. If you feel he is drifting away, he probably is.
      When we feel this, most of us make the worst mistake – Which is to try either “talking about it” or clinging harder and harder from fear of losing the relationship.
      The best thing to do in my opinion is to give him his space. Try to focus on you instead of him, be too busy to see him too, show him that you’re not afraid and that you have a life other than with him.
      This will give him a chance to re-value you.
      If he is really planning to break up with you, nothing will stop him. But if he is not, than clinging, begging etc will push him further away.
      I hope this helps and good luck,

  16. Hi,

    My boyfriend and I have been going through a rough patch and whenever I am mad at him, he comes back at me and says he wants out and doesn’t want to be with me anymore because he is unhappy. He begs and pleads that I let him go. And I stubbornly refuse because I feel like I am not yet done with him. He is currently on a two-week holiday in Spain with family and although he claims he hasn’t cheated on me or will cheat on me, he says the trip has made him realise a few things — he wants to change his job because it’s not what he wants to do but he doesn’t know what else he would do. And he wants to break up with me because he is unhappy and he has made up his mind.

    A common friend said don’t take him at face value right now because these things are being said across continents and he will be back in a few days. But i don’t know, should I accept it and move on or should I fight for this? I am tired of fighting for this, I think I put a lot of effort into the relationship and he has just stopped trying.

    • Heather,

      I think that you should let him go.
      This is just my opinion of course.
      If you were meant to be, you’ll get back together, and it will be effortless. Life is not about fighting, it’s about letting go and allowing things you want to come to you, through inner peace and calm.
      I hope this helps and good luck!

  17. Am really going through alot in my relationship right now and i think he wants to breakup with me, he does not even call me any more and when ever i call he gives me excuses. I love him so much and dont want to loose him please what should i do

    • Faith,

      You haven’t specified the problems in your relationship, and I think that if you could get him to sit down and talk to you honestly about your relationship, and try to work it out (without anger and accusations) – He won’t want to run away.

  18. Hi,

    I’m with my bf for about 3 years now, we have a difficult time trying to find out where we want to live our lives, if it is abroad or in our home towns, and we always had fights about this. Last week i wanted to talk about marriage and let him know that someday i want to get married and have a family and he was so defensive, he told me that we don’t even know what to do with our lives and i’m talking about marriage… So i get upset for i don’t know 4 hours and after i was so frustrated and i write him on fb, because he was in another room, he answered me, but didn’t come to talk to me face to face, maybe i should never expect this in the first place.. And of course, because i was expecting, i get more frustrated and we started to fight again.
    The thing is that when we first met, he always told me that he loves me and always answered back when i told him, well now if i tell him i love you, he doesn’t answer back and he constantly tells me that he is feeling obligated to tell me, because he knows that i wait to hear those words and that i’m fucked up because i want to tell him i love you after all the fights.
    I really don’t know what to do, maybe it’s my ego that wants to hear those words, he tells me all the time that i’m frustrated and this is why i want him to tell me i love you so i can get better, and maybe this is true also i don’t know, i have the feeling that i lost my mind and i’m crazy and i do nothing better in the relationship.
    It will be great an advice!
    Thanks a lot

    • Gloria,

      I think that he can feel your fear of losing him, and no matter how much he loves you, it’s a but of a turn off.
      Try to remember again that you are perfect, that you are great just the way you are and he will feel this good energy from you and give it back to you by saying he loves you without you asking for it.
      The more pressure you put on him, the more he will back away.

  19. I’m going out with this boy and we have been dating for about 3 weeks. He was once my boy best friend for about 1 year then he started catching feelings for me. He asked me out face to face and I said yes. But now 2 weeks has passed, at school he’s starting to talk to his girl best friends and sending them ‘X’s and O’s’. But after, he sends me long paragraphs saying he loves me and I’m his and nobody else’s. I don’t know if he loves me anymore becuse he changes at school when he talks to other girls. But he gets really jealous when I talk to other guys and threatens to text them telling them to back off. Please tell me what this means and if he still has feelings for me.

    • Amy,

      I don’t think this means that he is losing feelings for you. I think that he just likes to flirt. It probably boosts his ego. I would guess that he has a somewhat low self esteem.
      Be confident and always remember your worth and everything will work out.
      Good luck!

  20. Hi I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 years long distance. Recently 4 months bk he changed on me didn’t call as much n never wanted to see me in those months. I did a surprise visit and found out his cheating on me with 3 other girls. It hurts to b betrayed but I want to feel better but I don’t know how . It kils me to know how he has changed towards me but I decided to leave the relationship for good. Oh he says the reason he cheated was I was always angry.n emotional over the phone telling him it’s over etc which was true. But for me was a way of trying to cope with the distance. I can’t forgive at all although he claims to b sorry the words sorry can’t bring bk the trust.

  21. Okay so me and my partner have been together for 2 years now I am 19 he is 22, I love him more than anything but lately something is off in the past I have found texts saying he will go and stay at some girls for takeaway and a movie on the sofa I asked her about it she simply replied “well as far as we all knew he was single” then another girl he told me “out of anger” that he liked another girl, who then became his very good friend and they go out all the time chat all the time flirt all the time but she’s “like one of the lads” so I shouldn’t worry ….right? It’s lately he’s been very close to his phone I can touch it without him telling me to put it down but he can go on mine at his leisure……he never calls me beautiful!!, I met his friends…..he’s lied to them told them stuff like I drive and had a car I have only just got my provisional license, the person he has made me out to be to his friends isn’t me, he talks about our future in his house with only his name on the mortgage, he never wants to spend time with me, he goes out and I’m the one cheating on him, it’s always my fault even when I say sorry, when I say he did something wrong he has something I did that was way worse….”aprentally”……he doesn’t want to touch me, or turn me on, or cuddle, or kiss or even sit beside me on a sofa, does he love me? Because I adore him

    • Riannah,

      I know it’s really hard to accept, but he obviously doesn’t want to be with you right now.
      It has nothing to do with you, I assure you, but that’s still the truth.
      The question left now is what you’re going to do about it:
      The more you chase him the more he’ll run away.
      Try to focus on yourself now, instead of him. And see where things are going after that.

  22. Hiya, well where to start…
    Well this about me and my boyfriend ish… We’re basically just friends with benefits… But were more like boyfriend and girlfriend, simply because we don’t want either of us dating other people… We have given each other permission to date others but we kinda both don’t wanna share. Well my problem is that I want more… I want to be with him fully and he doesn’t. I say “I love you” and he will rarely say I love you back but if he does it’s like it’s not the same love that I feel. I know I love him more than he loves me. We’re both 24 and were great for each other… He helps cheer me up and makes me feel happy, which if you knew me isn’t an easy task, I suffer from severe depression and other stuff but I won’t get into all that. And I try to help him with his alcoholism, he feels better when I’m around, and his anxiety is lower when I’m around… I have reduced his drinking slightly when I am around… But he is still drinking too much… He doesn’t want to be so dependant on alcohol but he just can’t seem to kick the habit. But anyways my point is that I want more and he doesn’t, sometimes it just seems like I’m more of a friend and that’s it… We kiss and hold hands and his parents love me and my mom loves him, if anyone was to look at us, it would look like we were already dating, but we aren’t… He doesn’t want anyone else and neither do I… So why can’t we be with each other… At first it was me stopping it, I said I didn’t want to date an alcoholic because I didn’t want him to quit drinking just because of me, I want him to quit because he wants to quit… So is there just no future for us… Or what? I really want there to be… But it’s just really starting to get hard to put my feelings aside… Please help me and thank you for taking the time to read and reply to this….

    • Sam,

      I think he is obviously afraid to commit. I’m sure he has love feelings for you, but if he doesn’t answer back I would stop saying it for a while.
      It seems to me that your relationship can go to another level only if you separately work on your own issues first.
      You are both depressed (he is depressed too if he is an alcoholic), and developed a need for each other to feel better.
      How long can a “need” relationship work? And is it really love or just a hole you want to fill through him (and him through you)?
      You have to take the focus off of “us” and to “me”.
      When you feel better about yourself, you’ll appreciate yourself more, and maybe you’ll see things completely different.
      I hope this helps and I hope you feel better soon,


      • Well thank you for your reply, and I know you are correct about us both being depressed, but we both do feel better when were together… But ya he told me he doesn’t want to date me because he said I can’t depend on him… But in my mind I can and do depend on him already… But I guess the only thing to do for this is one of two options, give it time or give him up, it hurts to say but we started as friends only so I’d like to think we can go back to being just friends if things don’t go the way I want them to… But thank you very much for your advice, it gives me some stuff to think about now… Hope you have a lovely day… And hope you never meet a guy like the one you were speaking about in this article again, you deserve much better.

  23. Hi I’ve been dating this guy for 5 months and In the beginning he was so sweet and actually showed be that he cared and would always tell me he loves me. Now in the last month I’ve noticed things have changed he never messages me unless I message him and replies are usually dry sometimes it feels as if I’m forcing him to have a convo. He’s been acting really distant, he never makes time for me anymore but claims he misses, but he’s always hanging with friends ( including females ), partying or working. Every time I ask him if something is wrong he says no everything is good. And when ever I bring up how I feel about things it turns into a argument and he’ll make a comment like why are you asking stupid questions then unturn it around to make me guilty, like I’m the wrong one. It is very hard for me because this is the First guy I’ve actually been in love with, and I’m starting to feel like he’s losing that interest even though he says that he’s not. I don’t know what to do anymore, it’s difficult.

    • Jada,

      I think that your instincts are probably right, and he is doing the “fade out” breakup with you (meaning he is slowly disappearing because he fears doing it face to face).
      The more you try to get back closer to him, the more you talk to him about this, the more he’ll pull away.
      So, as hard as it may seem, I would do the opposite. I would let him be. I would take some space away from him.
      Even if he doesn’t come to realize that he doesn’t want to lose you (which he may), it’s the smarter thing to do.
      I hope this helps,

  24. Hi,
    I’ve been living with my boyfriend for a good 2 years. I’m 24 & he’s coming up to 30. I have one child from a previous relationship. Everything was going well, then we argued for a while over stupid things. Recently he has just turned on me, he said he is really unhappy & doesn’t see our relationship going anywhere. He did the whole ‘ I love you but I’m not in love with you’ there was me trying to fight it and not accept that he said that, I thought of ways to try make it work, but he said I don’t want to try make it work anymore. He seems completely done. I gave him space for a while but he didn’t change his mind. I’m now in the process of moving out… will he regret it or change his mind? He’s adamant he won’t but he has done this in the past, before we lived together. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to commit so he dumped me a few times but remained friends then that turned back into a relationship. I asked him if he even loves me & he said he doesn’t think so & that his head is all over the place, but gave me the whole I want us to still be close & be friends & I want to be there for you still. I’m trying to grieve for my relationship with him but also my 5yr olds relationship with him. Will he feel sad & lonely going back to an empty house? He’s not ur typical man who goes out loads, he’s never had a one night stand and I was the 5th girl he’s ever been with sexually. Is he having a breakdown? As he’s turning to 30. Thank you x

    • Chrissie,

      There’s always a chance things will change, and he may feel different in as soon as tomorrow, but you can’t depend on that. I know it’s hard, but for a real chance you have to let him go. But truly and deeply, without hoping that he comes back and without waiting for him.
      Now’s the time to focus on yourself and see why this has happened in the first place. I am absolutely sure though, that everything happens for the best.

      • I know it’s just so hard, he said he’s trying to move on from us already. It’s not even been a week, this has only just really hit me & it’s going to take a while for me to process

  25. Hi,
    Im new to this whole blog thingy, but here i go Im 28 years old i have been with my bf for almost 5 years ON an OFF all the time, we both have been using on and off also the whole relationship also, anyways i love this man i would do anything for him hes only 6 months younger then i am, but the thing is is he is sooo controlling and emotionally abusive, i have bipolar, anxiety,ptsd, and much more and to deal with him being so mean to me and controlling to me on a daily basis i just dont know what to do everyone i know that knows this situation tells me i need to leave him and stop coming back when he needs me but i dont i always give in cause im scared of what he will tell my family about what i have done in the past! please i know i shouldnt do drugs and i should leave him i just dont know how without him trying to ruin my life more then he already has

    • Lyssa,

      This nay sound weird to you, but here’s what I think: I think that you are afraid of letting him go because you are looking for a way out of your destructive habbit. Deep inside you know that he will do you a big favor if he tells your family about your problem, becuase no matter how mad they’ll be, they’ll also do everything to help you and get you off drugs. And this is what you really want.
      I know it’s scary, but you have to let him go. And you have to tell you family about your problem.
      You’re only 28. Your whole life is ahead of you and you can start over and wipe away your past today. Now.
      Isn’t the alternative scarier?
      Let the universe take you to the healing place, where it’s trying to take you. You are not alone. Take the first right step and everything will be alright.
      This is what I think and I’m praying for you to do the right thing for yourself.

  26. HI, this is my first time on a blog period so I guess that shows right there how desperate I am of getting back the man I know once loved and ( was inlove ) with me , and part of me and his behavior is telling me some of the love is still there . OK let me start with why im here .
    Im 19 and my ex is 19 ,we where together for all of 2 years in ( Nov 5th ) when we first met , he wanted me first , I actually didnt want him off rip , but eventually i gave in and realized it was the best decision i ever made , from that point on we were soooo happy and in love , up until recently we started to stay together it was fine at first then it was constant arguing , but even then we had the mentality that through whatever we were going anywhere , up until he went to his home state we were arguing while he was gone , i ended up hanging up and not talking to him until he got back ( 2 days ) mind you i usually dont give in on arguements i keep it going until we resolve it but this time i just gave in ( he was telling me he didnt want to talk to me anyway ) so when he got back i was already prepared to talk to him about the changes i was about to take in my life ( like progressing ) but he beat me too it by saying we had to talk , that was the first thing he said when he got back , not hi or i miss you or anything . long story short he seen his ex when he went back to his home state and told me he fell back in love with her , and he fell out of love with me , he didnt love me anymore and all this , ofcourse cried pleaded and everything i even said me or her , he said he cant promie me he’s gonna cut her off , and even after this i still decided to sty by his side for like 3 weeks after that , everything was actuallly going okay , no argueing , no fussing . but much more sex than normal but it was amazing and our connection was better as a couple , ( but we were separated ) .. its much more that happened after that good and bad but too much to type , i typed enough already lol . I just need some type of guidance to know how to deal with this , what to do , and am i a fool to keep fighting for him when he she’s still in the picture and VERY much relevant

    • Sheena,

      I think that if I were you, I would offer to stay friends and cut off any sexual relationship until he makes up his mind. Since you obviously can’t except him being with someone else, there’s not much else to do.
      It seems to me that this his just his way to cope with the problems in your relationship. A way to run away from them (to something he already knows how to handle) instead of dealing with them.
      This doesn’t mean that he actually “fell out of love” with you.
      I hope this helps and all the best to you.

  27. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and a half and hes great to me , we always travel around , and soon moving in but everytime i ask him what he feels about me he says he likes me and likes to be with me but never says hes loves. Ive asked him why he doesnt love me and he replies with he doesnt know what love is or how it feels so he is unsure if he loves me because he doesnt feel anything. I ask him if he doesnt love me why is he with me, he says because he likes to be with me and he me with him in his future. Im pretty confused about it about his response.

  28. Hi there,

    This is my first time on a blog like this. And I hope you can guide me on how to deal with the situation I’m in. This guy and I have been dating for 3 months (exclusively dating only). He was so sweet and great for the first 2 months and now he’s not exactly that same person anymore. He calls, texts, and goes out with me less and less. I asked him repeatedly many times if he was seeing or talking to someone else, or if he lost interest in me. And he told me that he still liked me and that he’s not seeing or talking to anyone else. Well, I know he just bought a house and is stressed over the new house, and graduate school as well. He also told me to be patient with him and he wants to take things slow. I just can’t shake off the feeling that he’s no longer interested in me. I don’t know if it’s just me being paranoid or it’s the truth and he doesn’t want to admit it. Please guide me on what I should do to take “us” back to where we were or how to “win” him back. I really don’t want to lose him. Thanks!

    • Alex,

      I usually think that our inner voice, that little voice nagging you that he is less interested, is right. But, that doesn’t mean that his feelings for you are changed.
      If I were you I would give him the space he is asking for, and take some space yourself. Try to focus on yourself now and be even too busy to meet him. All of this of course without any anger or bad energy. Don’t jump when he lifts a finger to see you, and don’t hurry answer him texts and calls either.
      Also, I wouldn’t ask him about him being interested in you or other girls for now, at all.
      Neediness and jealousy or 2 out of the 3 biggest love “killers”.
      I hope this helps, and if you can implement this, I think you’ll see the results.
      Good luck!

  29. Hi Lisa,

    I need your advise. Im with my boyfriend for 4 years now. I recently just dreamt that he cheated on me. I always trust my instinct and asked whether he is seeing someone else or talking to somebody new. He said no. But told me that our relationship has not been the best, quite rocky. It was his first time being brutally honest about our relationship, so i was shocked.

    He told me that this is his first time in a long term relationship so he is confused with his feeling ( He never pass the 3 years relationship). He felt distant with everything (family, friends and me) as he just started working so he is quite occupied with work at the moment. He wanted to take a time off and just needed his space.

    I felt that he was more distance, i thought it was just work related. He was moody all the time, and didn’t want to spend most of our time together. I knew something was wrong but i ignored it. I was indenial, thinking that its a phase.

    He felt the same thing too, so we are both in a rut. All the signs above is happening… I love this guy so much. I really want to marry him. Dont want to waste my 4 years investing in the relationship just like that! I’m so scared of losing him. I know deep down he loves me, but no longer in love with me. 🙁 He told me that he would want to marry me, one fine day. We dont have much money as both of us just started working so marriage will be the last thing right now.

    We are still talking with each other right now, just to keep the love alive. But I can sense that he already knows it, but dont want to break my heart. So he is staying in the relationship just so that we both work things out. He said he just need some space, and he will be okay in the future (which i dont know when???) I feel its unfair to treat me, when he need me or to speak with me when he feels like it.

    I dont know what else can I do. Please help me.

    Many Thanks

    • Aaliya,

      I think that he doesn’t break up with you because he wants to avoid the “drama”. He also obviously doesn’t want to hurt your feelings because he still loves you. Love never dies, relationships do, unfortunately.
      I think that you should listen to that little inner voice telling you the truth this entire time, because this is the truth, and avoiding it won’t hep with anything.
      I don’t think he will be “o.k in the future”. He is o.k now, and so are you. You have to decide whether you can handle this breakup right now or push it off to later. It’s a matter of how string you feel right now.
      The 4 years you’ve invested” are not lost. These are 4 years you had fun together, were friends to one another, supported one another and shared a life. It’s not a waste. Don’t think like that.
      I hope this helps and all the best to you.

  30. My boyfriend seems to have been distancing himself away from me. He doesn’t look at me the way he used to, he seems to touch me less, he ended up making a dating site in front of me just to look at other girls. He has been ignoring my text a lot, he seems to be distancing himself away from me and I have no idea why. We have these stupid arguments and every time we have these arguments he sits here and talks about having sex with other girls and how he wants to screw the heck out of them. He has stopped talking about the future with me, he used to want a family with me, but now he tells me he’s not sure!!!! He hasnt said loved me for days. He says he is NEVER going to break up with me and his love as NOT changed and that he is NEVER going to cheat on me. Should I believe him or not….for all three???

    • Emmarie,

      No, I don’t think that you should believe him. I always think that actions speak louder than words. If he is showing you a lack of interest, that’s what really happening.
      I think that you shouldn’t ignore it and wait for it to go away on its own, and decide what’s right for you in this situation. If that’s hard. try thinking what you would have advised your best friend to do in this situation.
      When you do, take out ego, anger and jealousy out of the equation. If you do, the right thing will come up, straight from your true inner voice. Your intuition.

  31. I only see the signs , plus he tells me he doesn’t care for me or what I think but why am I still here why can’t I just leave and not feel anything. He gets upset when I say something about him hanging to much with his kids and does everything for them I mean they have jobs there in there twentys am I wrong for feeling like this ? But I made mistakes before but that’s the past I font do what I did a long time ago he is constantly with his kids and I mean I’m home and I can’t say anything because of I do all hell breaks loose ! What should I do and when I want to leave him he tells me he loves me and there I go he is 43 and I am 29 there’s a difference and I try to help him because he has type 1 diabetes he said that I don’t Care but I’m the one constantly crying trying to tell him how I feel and he just doesn’t give a damn till I’m laying down he will finally come and hug me then I give in again what does everyone think I should do .

  32. Lisa I appreciate that you have this blog for many people like my self who would like to hear someone’s opinion.

  33. Hi,

    I’m not sure if this is related to the topic of men falling out of love, but you seem to give good advice.

    My man and I have been together almost two years. We went out for beers two or three times when he said he loved me, but this was only a few days apart not a few months. I was alarmed by the rush, but we went back to his place and became physical. He said we should get married, and I was high off finally finding a man to marry me and agreed. We filed for a certificate downtown and were going to do it Quaker style. I freaked out at the speed of everything and stopped the marriage.

    My issues with him are as follows:
    He said he loves me but doesn’t like me.
    He doesn’t like my hair and wants me to dye it black.
    He said I’m fat, which I would love to lose weight but stressing over it isn’t going to help me.
    His best friend is a woman, which I respect but I don’t think he handles the dynamic very well. I’ve felt disrespected over her three times. I don’t know if they are honest mistakes or red flags that he doesn’t care how I feel. He is also a hypocrite and says I don’t need guy friends besides my pastor.

    • Valerie,

      I’m sorry I had to cut your story short. I actually cut it exactly where I see the problem.
      This guy doesn’t accept you. He wants to change you. Wanting to change someone is not love. When you love someone, you love him the way he is.
      I don’t know why your self esteem is so low (the first hint was saying “I finally found someone wanting to marry me”), but it affects your choices in life.
      You don’t have to find someone to be willing to marry you. You are perfect just the way you are, and the right guy will see it and be excited to marry you. He won’t try to change you (not before a few years of marriage go by…).
      The problem is not with him, it’s with your thoughts about yourself. We attract the person that reflects what we think about our self.
      I hope you understand what I’m saying.
      I would pull away and rebuild my self worth and self esteem before I date anyone else. Anything else is a waste of time.
      Good luck!

  34. My ex and I have been together almost 2 years now. We used to be so happy and have so much fun.. then I started becoming really insecure and accuse him, and overthink about things. It really stressed him out and we would fight and argue and get over it the next day. He would block me for a day then he would talk to me again. He said he loves me all the time but then when we fought he told me he didn’t know if he did or not. He always would say he doesn’t want a relationship but nothing changed. He said he doesn’t have fun like we used too, and he’s so stressed out about what he’s doing in his life and he doesn’t want one of us holding eachother back. I don’t know it’s really confusing because we broke up on a Saturday then we haven’t talked and he got back with me on my birthday because I told him how I felt. We made up and he took me out but then that Saturday we went to his friends and hung out and he was all over me. Then Sunday comes and he broke up with me and blocked me, then he unblocked me again. We’ve been broken up for about a week or so and he’s been doing things to make me jealous and maybe try to get my attention.. I just want to know if theres anything I can do to help us. We’ve never had this much space from eachother and it feels good. He says he feels stressed free… that’s because I always was focused on him and not myself. Now I began to realize I can’t to that and maybe that’s what made him not want to be with me. I want him back so bad and would do anything to make us work but he doesn’t think it will because I’ve said this so many times and we never really took space and I think thats what we needed.. help!!

    • Jackie,

      Jealousy, neediness and expectation are the 3 biggest killers of relationships.
      He has told you the reason for him pulling away, and he is telling the truth.
      Love can’t be killed though, only relationships.
      If you can find a way to set him free, if only in your mind, you may succeed inn getting him back. By setting him free I mean no more neediness and expectations.
      I hope you understand what I’m saying. This requires some thinking about your self esteem and self love, before you’ll be able to do anything else.
      Good luck!

  35. Hi, whenever I have a h2h talk with my bf, he seems to be avoiding it or giving me vague and short answers. This time round I had a more serious h2h talk with the mention of thinking of breaking up. And finally, for ONCE he spoke from his heart (i hope). He seemed very pressured. I’m also pressured, whether will we last a long time. I feel that he’s confused with himself as well, saying “idk”, “you are impt…” and a moment later saying “i’m tired of everything”, “i’m the problem”, “prefer being alone”, “happier around friends” etc. I listed down 2 of my needs clearly and sent to him. And now I give him 2 days to sort out his feelings (no communication between us for 2 days), before discussing again because I am afraid that if I continue saying things he might just go crazy. And I couldn’t bear to lose him because I’ve been with him for 7 almost 8 months (longest rs in my life).

  36. Hi my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now and we live in a small room together behind his parents house. He’s said he loves me in the past. We’ve had a few bumps in the road. This is his first serious relationship. He says he’s content with how we’re doing. But he doesn’t know if he loves me. He says he has nothing to compare it to, so he doesn’t know if this is love. We tried to be apart. I went to live with my mom. I was only there for one night and the next night he brought some of my stuff over for me and he cried. I cried and said I wanted to come home. He said it feels wrong to be apart that this room is so cold without me. We have seemed to be okay. We do everything we do in a relationship but he can’t say I love you to me. Am I just freaking out for no reason? Do I just give him space and not 1st I love you for a while?

    • Allie,

      It seems like he is afraid that if he says I love you, it’s like a marriage proposal. He seems to need more time to sort out his feelings. Now you have to decide if you can relax and enjoy your relationship just as it is, or not. If you can’t, and you feel you can’t go any further without his I love you’s, than yes, give him space. And more importantly, give yourself space.

  37. Hi, well honestly I don’t know what to do or think anymore. I’ve never done this but I’ll try it out. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years, we broke up before because I messed up with someone else but that was back in high school like 2 years ago. Me and him live together and he’s not much of a social person so it’s basically always me and him together. A few days ago we got into a huge fight and he has been telling me he doesn’t want to be w/me anymore but he still loves me and that I’m his everythingand wants time alone BUT still wants to live with me, pick me up from work, do things together etc… he still points me out to his coworkers and everyone as his fiancé and gf. Holds my hand and still sleep in the same bed together. But then when I ask him if he’s ok he’ll say that he doesn’t want to be with me, and that I’m pretty much forcing him to be w/me. That he needs time to think and to be alone. Even though the last time this happened, he regretted everything and wanted to be with me and he missed me and all this stuff. He’s never been unfaithful, or a liar. He’s actually brutally honest. So I’m just confused….

    • Anne,

      I think you know deep down the truth. You know he is being honest with you. It’s as simple as he says. He wants to be alone right now. But he is afraid of being without you at the same time. His fear doesn’t matter, because this is what he wants to experience right now.
      Now you have to decide what you want to do about it. He is afraid to break up with you, but that’s what he wants.
      What do you want to do now?
      The answer is inside you.

  38. Hi, Lisa. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year and a half now and have been in a long distance relationship. He chose to go to a college that is out of state, this was before we got together. He felt really bad for leaving, but I gave him my best wishes and told him to go to his dream school.
    Lisa, I need your advice. What can I do to coop with this distance? I love seeing him smile, hearing his laugh. I love being able to reach out and hug him. I love watching movies with him and curling up on the couch together. I am putting the physical part of our relationship on the backburner (which is a big sacrifice to me), until the moment that we are together again. I love him. I can see a future with him if we can just make it through the years we have to spend apart (we have two more years to go after fall of 2017).
    I’m sorry if this came out really long, but I just really need a word of advice right now from someone who doesn’t know me or my boyfriend personally. Thank you so much for reading this.


    • Samantha,

      I’m sorry I had to cut your question short, I’m sure you understand.
      I understand how you feel, but in your words I saw that you already know the answer.
      If you want to keep him, and keep the love alive through lomg distance, you’ll have to give him freedom. Freedom to be who he is just the way he is. If you push and pressure him you’ll push him away as well.
      You have to work on your dependance upon things you say you “need”. You don’t really need anything, it’s just a series of thougts that turned into a belief.
      I don’t know if you get where I’m going. But again: In order to feel good you have to work on yourself and your negative emotion. There’s nothing he has to do but be himself. This is the truth and the only way not to ruin a LDR or any other relationship.
      For further tips about keeping a happy and close LDR see this post:

  39. My boyfriend an I have been together for 4 months now. We fell for each other within the 1st month. For a few weeks now hes been getting very distant. He doesnt call or text, and i dont get to see him everyday. Due to him being busy He says everythings still good between us but intentionally wont talk to me even when hes not bust. And he freaks out over the simplist things. It makes me feel really lonely. And i brought it up to him many times and ive even suggested that we take a break, but he gets mad when i talk about things like that and makes me the bad guy. We both dont know how to talk about emotions and he doesnt understand when he makes me feel bad. I just dont know where to go from here

  40. So, I have been with my fiance for one year, best friends prior for two. At the beginning he was in a rush. Asked me to marry him after four months. Now a month after our first year he tells me he is severely depressed. I asked him blatantly if he wanted to break up at first he said no but being me I asked again. He replied. I just don’t know right now. I don’t know me and I don’t feel anything. I was instantly hurt. He then responded I don’t want to break up that’s not what he mean. Mind you this is all in a text conversation because he doesn’t know how to communicate verbally. I came home furious because I felt betrayed and heart broken. I tried to give him the ring back but he wouldnt take it. We couldn’t really talk because he had gotten drunk for the first time ever in our relationship. The next morning I asked him straight forward if he wanted to be with me. He replied I just don’t know. I live you deeply but I don’t know me. Now two days later I don’t know what to do. I read most of the conversation and the tips only two apply to my situation. I told him that I would support him and give him time but on the other side my anger at this is getting larger. I love him, live him deeply. Feel he is my soul mate but I don’t know if I can do this again. I really appreciate an answer beside listen to your heart or you already know. I honestly don’t. Is he trying to leave but to afraid to hurt me or is he going through something that I can’t help him. Should I call it out even though that breaks my heart or should I wait.

    • Amanda,
      First of all, anyone who is depressed is not loving himself. Can we agree on that? Also, the same person does not know who he is. Just like he told you.
      Now tell me, can a man who doesn’t love himself and does not know who he is – Love anyone else?
      The answer is no.
      He is telling you the truth, and you resisting it. You do not accpet it. And you call it betrayal.
      When he asked you to marry him in the past he meant it. Now he feels differently. This is not betrayal, it’s the truth. Betrayal would be lying to you and telling you what you want to hear instead. Is that what you really want?
      Now, how you feel about this is your own choice. You can make this about you, and how bad it makes you feel, or you can appreciate that he is telling you the truth and decide what fits you in this situation.
      Think about it, meditate on it, and get to a decision. When you do, stick with it. Don’t make this about you, it’s not about you.
      If you decide to support him like you told him, decide it from your heart, not because it’s the right thing to say and you expect something in return.
      Supporting him means deeply understanding his situation right now and not fighting it. Try to be in his shoes for a while.
      Than you’ll be able to know whether to stay with him through this, or not. And you won’t be angry, or disappointed.

  41. Hi,
    My boyfriend and i have been in a relaitionship fkr 4 yrs and i lived together with him at his house (woth his 3 other older siblings) for the last 2 yrs. He is the very introvert type and sensitive guy. 5 motnhs ago we had our largest argement where i said that he is useless, why am i with him, i want to break, i want to move out. That was in June. Usually he would ignore what i say when i am angry but this time i really hurt him. I dint know until 3 motnhs later in Aug, he was ignorig me these 3 months so i asked what happend and pushed him to the edge before i told me he was hurt from the incident in June. I tried to appologize but he dint want to hear it,so the whole of september we ignored each other. He also told me to move out. I tried to appologuE for 3 days but he dint want to listen, so in the end i told him i would move out in end of Oct and he accepted. In Oct, his mood started to be ok, and he do ask me to go dinner with him (in Sept he went himself without asking me). Buy 20 Oct, i found a room and told him i would move out. He hugged me after i asked for it and said if u dont want to move out then no need to. I asked him to answer my question ” do you want me to stay or do you want me to leave? Please give me your answer.” For 3 days i asked him this question, finally he texted me and said “you better move out, you deserve a better man”.. i ask him to tell it to my face and he could not, then i told him i am not moving out, then he gets angry again. After this i told him since i force him to answer i need to respect it, i will move out in Dec. So the next few weeks he ignored me. After Nov 12, (his brothers wedding), he started to ask me if i wanted to have lunch or dinner with him. On my birthday, he even bought me a present but did not wish me a Happy Birthday (he never wished me before anyway). But when i checked his whatsapp with his Mum, when she asked him if we were both back on good terms, he answered No, she is findiing a house to move. So is he now treating me like a little sister that he is responsible for since i stay at his house, or does he still have feeling for me and is trying to fix it but wont show affection because of his ego?

    • Josy,
      Sadly I think he wants to break up. At least for now. He was hesitating because he doesn’t want to hurt you. That’s why he couldn’t say it to your face.
      I believe him that you deserve someone else, especially if he says it. Not a better man, just a different one.
      No one knows what the future brings but this is the situation right now. Do you want to still live with someone who wants you out?
      That’s your decision. Do what’s good for you and what makes you feel good. Always.