“Never ruin an apology with an excuse.” ~Kimberly Johnson
You have deeply hurt your partner. Maybe you had a fight and said some things that should have never been said. Maybe you lied and broke the trust. Maybe you had an affair. It doesn’t matter. An effective apology, done the right way, can save your relationship and make your ex powerless to resist you.
Do it the wrong way and it will destroy any chance of reconciliation – for good. Do it the correct way and it will truly perform what seems to be a Miracle.
Why Most of Us Apologize the Wrong Way
An apology is “admission of wrong doing”. A defense, a justification, an excuse.
We start by saying “I’m sorry, but…”
This is EXACTLY why are in so much hot water on our relationships and we find ourselves apologizing again and again about the same thing. This method usually FAILS.
For example, you came home late, again, from work. You said “I’m sorry I am late”. The response you will get most of the time is that an apology won’t cut it again.
“I said I was sorry. What more can I do”? You answer, pissed off by now. From this point you are both angry and the apology turns into another fight.
So…how do you apologize the right way?
The Effective Apology Formula – The “Clean Slate Method”
This incredible and little known formula was found by T Dub Jackson from TheMagicofMakingUp.com. He named it “The Clean Slate” method because it has the power to “wipe the slate clean” so a relationship can begin to heal.
When you consider how to apologize – How about instead of just admitting that you did something wrong, you take a different approach and Take Responsibility for the rift in the relationship?
Instead of saying “I am sorry I am late”, you say “You must be so hurt, frustrated and angry with me”.
Your shocked spouse, amazed by your ability to understand how he feels, will say “well, I AM frustrated and a little angry.”
Then you continue with “I keep coming home late and letting that hurt our relationship. I understand why you are frustrated”.
Your spouse will probably soften up and say “I realize that there is much pressure at work”.
And the two of you sit down and have a conversation – Instead of an argument.
You never said you did something wrong. You take responsibility for the rift in your relationship.
See the difference?
The Clean Slate Method – Step by Step Instructions
1. Acknowledgement – Acknowledge how the other feels. Don’t say I know how you feel because you don’t. Say “You must feel…and…Your spouse will feel acknowledged and understood – maybe for the first time.
2. Why? Your spouse will want to know why you were late. Or why you had an affair…Be careful here – Remember to examine how YOUR behavior was Responsible for the rift. For example, say “I was so afraid to not be able to support my family that I put work before our relationship. I left you alone”. Apologizing like this is so powerful it could make your spouse burst into tears of catharsis.
3. You were affected too – Let them know how this made YOU feel – For example, guilty for being late again, pain and anxiety.
4. Do not defend yourself – Apologize WITHOUT expecting anything in return. They may forgive you now or in the future on never. This step is so powerful it can really wipe the slate clean. Do you get it?
This formula is very powerful and can be used every day and in every life situation. Try to burn in into your memory – It could very well save your relationship, help you finally get your ex back and change your life.
How to Get Your Ex Back – The Next Step
You can stop your breakup, get your ex back and stop your divorce, even if you think your situation is hopeless. I highly recommend that you watch T Dub Jackson’s video to learn the next step in getting back to your ex. This video has been watched over 1.5 million times on YouTube and for a good reason.
What about you? Are you planning to apologize today?
Rooting for ya,
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